REST IS ESSENTIAL FOR LIVING WELL.

“Stop worrying about productivity. You don’t even know what it is. You’ve been taught the idea of it by capitalism. Rest because it’s your human right to do so.”

-@thenapministry

Today marks the 8th anniversary of my maternal grandfather passing from this life. He was born in 1936 in the small town of Allendale, South Carolina. Only two generations removed from sharecropping. He moved to North Carolina in search of a better life at 19 years old. He was a gentle giant. Slim, sun kissed chocolate, tall, and dapper with a lovely baritone voice. His integrity preceded him and his good character infused all I saw him do. He taught me the value of generosity and the honor of work. My grandfather, affectionately known as “Papa”, eventually found a job that would create a life he could stand tall in and eventually sustain a family of 7. He was the Butler for the same White family for 50 years. Consequently, his work required him to travel to the seasonal homes of his employer. His presence working meant his absence from his family. His sacrifice of time “earned him a living.”

The inquiry, “what do you do to earn a living?” I’ve heard more than I care to count. It is indicative of living in a capitalist world framed by chattel slavery, indentured servitude, and the prison industrial complex. This common phrasing is the idea that one is not worth their existence unless meeting the profit margins of an external entity that will never reciprocate the sweat equity and sacrifice one invests to “be productive”. To be productive in ways that create profit and wealth for someone else. I believe being made in the image and likeness of a Divine Source makes you intrinsically worthy and of value. There is only one you! How could you not be a rare force and institution in and of yourself? You are already worthy. You were already of value before you said yes to your job, before you said yes to your career.

My grandfather only stopped working as a result of double heart attacks. His Parkinson’s Disease excelled more rapidly given his limitations of movement. This involuntary pause was an opportunity for him to know and be known in beautiful ways. I recall my mother saying one day, “I didn’t realize he was so funny.” Since my mom made this statement, I have always wondered how often my grandfather desired to be at home, and what could have become more known of him by his children had he been home more often. I’ve also considered that my grandfather would have lived his later years much differently if he knew that he had a choice. Yes, given his educational background as a Black man in a racist world he accessed an opportunity he felt he was most aligned with. I imagine my grandfather overextended himself in numerous ways to maintain his job and be approved by the white gaze. How much of your grind is for the gaze of others? Is your grind a traumatic response to your need for approval and/or acceptance?

I wander if my grandfather would still be here if he took more time to rest, and enjoy respite with his family more often. I wander if he still would have developed various illnesses if he took more time to slow down and enjoy the life he was creating for and with his family. Rest supports the regeneration of cells, the restoration of our minds, and the renewal of energy required to thrive. If you are reading this, this is your invitation to rest. Rest enables us to align with the highest part of ourselves. In this way we resist being disillusioned by incentives offered to align with external institutions and believe we’ve somehow arrived because of what we’re paid to produce for someone or something else.

I make an intentional choice to rest because my grandfather sacrificed so much of his rest. His sacrificial offering of rest allows me to make the conscious choice to not participate in grind culture. “Rest because it’s your human right to do so” beloved.

Rest because it is a necessity.

Rest because you choose to live and not die.

Rest is not earned, it is required.

Rest.

DO YOU WANT TO BE RIGHT OR DO YOUR WANT TO BE IN RELATIONSHIP?

I occasionally celebrate my experience of growing up in in a time when the world of social

media had not yet materialized. DMs were passed notes between friends that could be thrown

away. What needed to be said was only offered through human connection, and not plastered

on public platforms that lingered through decades. Cancel culture incubated in the recesses of

our minds or the private quarters of our homes and corporate offices. Humanity was not yet

able to hide behind computer screen courage to dehumanize one another, and internet wars

were not a thing.

Our present culture promotes a one-sided rightness that threatens our evolution. We all form

an opinion based on what meets our eyes without clear context of celebrity feuds, influencer

beefs, or the messiness of our social media friends that overshare, particularly when in conflict.

I grew out of participating in the argumentative process of proving my rightness in the virtual

world of social media and in my personal life. I found it to be futile, as I was often left with the

vibrations of irritation and agitation. After all my typed pontificating the perceived

“opposition” was still positional about what they believed, as was I. I want to be in healthy

relationship. I want to know and be known in ways that inspire transformation and conversion

towards my highest self and invites others to do the same.

I read the inquiry “do you want to be right or do you want to be happy” in a couples counseling

book for therapists centered in the work of John Gottman, a world renown couples therapist

and researcher. I am a student of being in healthy relationship as I work with individuals and

couples who desire to be in nourishing intra-personal and interpersonal connections. In my own

intimate partnership, I find value in discerning when to speak on a thing out of my desire to be

right and when to simply SHUT UP! I use the following guidelines for myself:

• Is the person speaking to their direct experience of me or through their sight of wounding?

• Am I in a place where I can offer my thoughts and feelings constructively?

• What is happening in my body and is my own trauma being triggered?

• Is my safety and/or wellness threatened?

• Is the person speaking a truth that is difficult for me to receive?

• Is their more value in taking an opportunity to listen for understanding and practice a

• posture of discovery or to be right?

These guidelines support me in entering all my relationships, particularly when in conflict, with

curiosity. The work of healthy relationship requires humility and self-awareness which are daily

practices. I can own that I don’t always get it right. If I am aware that a person is speaking to me

and seeing me through a trauma-colored lens I know it is not about me. Why defend or speak

to something that is not you or about you? If your being right is to metaphorically cut someone

that you say you love, is your rightness worth them bleeding? If your being right wants to show

up in a public moment to curate embarrassment for the one you say is friend, is that the

practice of friendship and camaraderie you also want to experience? Being right can often

distance us from the ones we love, and when it is a habitual practice, it has the propensity to

pull us away from our own humanity and disregard the humanity of others. Do you want to be

right OR do you want to be in relationship?

#BeKYND #PracticeHealthRelationship #DoYouWantToBeRight

#DoYourWantToBeInRelationship

FIRED INTO FREEDOM

by Kyndra Frazier

May of 2020 I was living in New York City. Like most people I was making as much room as I could for the swift changes occurring. From being sheltered in place, supervising staff and interns virtually, balancing bi-vocational positions as Associate Pastor and Executive Director, existing in a zoom world of meetings and preparing for a virtual fundraiser, to the rampant increase of death and dying due to our global divine pause.  

As if this wasn’t enough, by the beginning of June I was newly single after 2 years, fired from a position I thought I would be in much longer, and navigating an interesting spiritual experience that required great emotional and psychological energy. The pandemic, along with these abrupt endings, was devastating. My sense of belonging to myself and the communities I perceived I belonged to were disrupted. Out of these unforeseen events, being fired registered as the most unsettling.  

You might ask, why start the first blog of KYND in remembrance of where you were over a year ago.

My response: keep reading!

Being fired in the middle of a pandemic was not only devastating for me, but also to those who took solace in the ways God lived through my service, leadership, and care. I had to navigate the waters of shame and embarrassment and make the choice to not internalize them. I have no regrets. After much healing and continued work, I have come to discover that I was fired into freedom. 

Our perception is everything. This blog is for those who’ve experienced abrupt endings whether it looks like divorce, the rupture of a friendship, the unexpected death of a loved one, an eviction notice, or layoff. Our sight during these times is critical. The new found freedom that exists after the firing invites me to prioritize what was gained, as opposed to what was lost. I gained a full-time entrepreneurial life, relocated to North Carolina where nurturing energy is more prevalent, and gained more space to create. This new found freedom expanded room for new friendships of integrity and the release of those I was no longer in alignment with.  

There is freedom in endings. Every ending wipes the slate clean for us to create anew and rediscover what we are made of. Beloved, the seasons of ending in your life only come to fortify and strengthen, even in the midst of felt brokenness. If you’re reading this, I believe you’re committed to thriving. To thrive, we must always make the choice to re-build with the broken pieces which assist us in reshaping our lives in fruitful and transformative ways. KYND Consulting, would not exist as it does now had a season not ended in my life. You wouldn’t be where you are now, had some things not ended in your life. We bless the metaphorical firings in our lives and honor the ways they have pruned, grown, and freed us. #BeKYND